What is a Beer Bong?
In the beginning there was beer. Brewed for the gods themselves, it was but a distant dream for the small, bestial creatures that walked upon the surface of the earth. Early man built shrines to this delectable nectar, hoping against hope that a few chance drops would fall from the heavens so that they too could be elevated, if only for a moment, to godhood.
Very few were so lucky. This was a nasty, brutish time for mankind; wars raged, fires blazed, and man sulked about in a dark, dreary, hopeless present. Fortunately for these beleaguered bipeds, there was one among the gods who sought change on earth. This was Brometheus, who, like his brother Prometheus, would steal priceless treasure from on high to help those placed so low.
After a particularly heavy night of drinking, Brometheus, fed up with the hypocrisy of his brethren, acted. With burly arms, stronger than ten-thousand hurricanes, Brometheus tore an erupting volcano from the face of the earth. With mighty lungs, made strong by five-thousand years of drinking songs, Brometheus exhaled a raging tornado.
By attaching these two objects together, Brometheus had fashioned the first beer bong in the history of creation. What happened next would change the face of the earth, and the lives of all its dwellers, for eternity. For, after filling the upturned volcano with the most prized beer of the gods, Brometheus then forced the tornado through the heavens.
For 40 days and 40 nights, beer rained from the sky, flooding the earth. When the waters finally receded, mankind had been born anew. Baptized in beer, humanities hope for a brighter future had been granted.